Every Breath Matters

God forbid from the testing times,, when we are being tested unknowingly, and we overlooked those moments in haste and ignorance.

While sitting at the facade of icu (intensive care unit), everything seems crystal  clear, all the implausibilities of life ,  and of death… 

These two absolutes now seem easy for me to comprehend .. okay..there is either white or black..life or death …  but ‘the grey’ murky line in between life and death, when the soul and body keeps trying to unentangle, and when the knot loosen, one step ahead of it means ‘no come back’…the ‘betweenness’….. is the real test of time.

This “betweenness” is where; the breaths are withholden,  the choice of keeping breaths  comes in your hand (optically), where every single breath is countable, and the sound of husky breaths feels like the most satisfying voice ever heard.,  and….where “DO NOT RESUSCITATE” feels  like the  most creepiest and spine-chilling words which one would never ever want to listen again.

Its been 13 days sitting in front of ICU, witnessing myraid of unpredictable emotional moments; Negative counselling-sight of pain- stagnation- fear of loss- misery-hopelessness- stress-tears- supplications- miracles and the “hope”. I noticed that one inside on intubation and the other sitting outside the ICU are both on edge. Sickness surrounds everyone, and  positivity is scant. Even i forgot my  positive energy and the “counsellor” part of me … I lost my words in two weeks, i couldn’t gave courage to any one around me as if I am mentally equipped by the sick aura around ….

On these testing times,  every breath suddenly becomes platonic and feels like “the one and only blessing ” one should never ever forget even for the slightest of  nanoseconds.

I might not be in my finest state of mind but I want to share few things coming all the way from my heart, that , We always take the loved ones around us ” for granted”,  but when they start slipping away from our hands , when the breaths are paused momentarily, the feeling of belongingness blossoms and the heart starts melting. Mind starts reminiscing all the undone things— unsaid words.

On people’s front, those who haven’t seen for years appear, out of the blue, with teary eyes as if they were waiting for the person to reach at this stage to see and to show their sincerity….. not to him but to others.

 God knows what is wrong with us .???. why we need testing times to think about life and death, about deeds that we have done, about deeds that we haven’t done or that are yet to be done, about people who are at our side and about those who we think are exposed…. why is that ???

I guess we should take a reconsideration  of life – of ours – and of others  who belong to our life in any humanely possible way….

Pray for the health of those who are in dire need of ….